How Do I Live?
by serendipitychick
Summary: Ethan and Theresa in LA. What happens when Ethan decides to give in?


How Do I LiveAn Ethan and Theresa Story

Flashback to Ethan's proposal to Gwen

"Ethan, please, come with me. Choose me." Theresa pleaded with Ethan, as tears rolled down her cheek. It was the hardest thing she ever had to do when she watched Ethan, the man of her dreams, propose to Gwen. Theresa had dreamed of being with Ethan since the first time she laid eyes on him. They were, however, together for a short while, but after Theresa's dishonesty about her so called marriage to Ethan's ex-father, he broke up with her. When it came time for Ethan to ask Gwen to marry him again, he saw Theresa in a whole new light that made him reconsider his decision. Theresa had hold of his heart and it was so painful to see her cry. But nevertheless, Ethan would stand by his word and do the right thing by marrying Gwen. She was the mother of his unborn child, and they would be a family together, no matter what his heart was telling him.

Months went by. Whitney, Fox and Chad moved to Los Angeles…Ethan and Gwen went to see a specialist in California for Gwen's difficult pregnancy, and Theresa was on her way to Los Angeles to visit her three best friends

Chapter 1: Forget About Fate

"Theresa, you need to forget about fate and whatever love we once shared." Ethan told a tearful Theresa.

"Forget our love? Forget about fate?" Theresa couldn't believe what she was hearing. Even though she was on the verge of an emotional breakdown, she managed to utter, "Forget about you? Ethan, how can I forget about you? You're everything to me. I just can't erase you from my thoughts, there'd be nothing left…"

"…Look Theresa, I'm sorry. But it's just the way it has to be." Ethan told her, starting to shed a tear himself. It took all his energy from running to Theresa and holding her in his arms, comforting her and making everything all right. He couldn't believe he was telling Theresa, the one person who understood him, the one person who would love him unconditionally for all of eternity, the one who he loved with all his heart and with every breath he had left in his body to forget about him and leave him alone.

It was the way it had to be though. No matter how much he wanted to be with Theresa, he was married to his very pregnant wife and he intended to do the right thing and stay by her side.

"Theresa, it's the way it has to be. But, soon you'll find someone else. You'll find someone new, someone who can love you and someone who is free to lose you unconditionally. And…" Soon, it all became too much for Ethan to bear and he began to break down. He couldn't believe what he was saying. "…and, soon you two will find a magical spark… and it'll ignite a flame that will…" Ethan gave in and began to cry. He couldn't lose her.

Theresa saw this as her cue, and with that she ran to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and she kissed him. She didn't care if Gwen was right in that doorway. She and Ethan shared the most passionate kiss, full of love and emotion.

Suddenly, Ethan pulled and stared at Theresa, speechless.

"Forget about fate? Forget about our love? Ethan, can you just forget about that kiss? Can you just run away from something that passionate?" Theresa asked him, hoping to find the answer she was in search for. Ethan couldn't respond to her. Instead, he simply gazed into Theresa's longing eyes, losing himself in an ocean of forbidden love and timeless secrets. Theresa took his silence to heart and kissed him once more. This time, Ethan responded more to the kiss. He held her in his arms as if to never let go. He'd never let go.

Ethan loved her so much. There was this great, powerful connection they both shared that had kept drawing them closer and closer together the longer they were apart. Theresa was the woman in his life, in his dreams and in his heart.

Slowly, they fell onto the loveseat. Ethan couldn't believe he was kissing Theresa again. He held her head, caressing her face and running his fingers through her silky hair. He felt as though he was in love for the first time. He felt so alive, so free to love. Ethan felt as though the entire world could come to a crashing halt and he wouldn't care. He had Theresa in his arms and that was enough for him.

Finally she had him. Theresa had loved Ethan from the start and now they were together again. Theresa slowly pulled of Ethan's shirt as he lowered her onto the loveseat. She kissed him with everything she had left in her. Soon, the kisses became more passionate. Suddenly, Ethan remembered about Gwen and pulled away.

Ethan got up off the loveseat and walked onto the balcony. He loved Theresa so much and wanted to be with her more than anything, but he couldn't betray Gwen the way he was. Theresa met him on the balcony.

"Ethan, what is it?" Theresa asked him.

"Theresa, you need to be with someone who is free to love you, someone who isn't tied back like I am." Ethan told her. Theresa began to cry again.

"Ethan," she began through the tears, "Can you honestly tell me that you can bear to see me with someone else, with another man. Could you bear to know what I was with him all the time; that he would be making love to me all night long, that…" Theresa was interrupted by Ethan.

"…Theresa, don't do this." Ethan pleaded with her.

"Well, could you?" Theresa asked.

The tears in Ethan began to well up again. Ethan didn't know what to say. Of course he didn't want to lose her, but he was committed to Gwen.

"Well, could you?" Theresa asked again.

"No." Ethan told her. He couldn't bear the though of her being with someone else. It would just kill him. Ethan looked into Theresa's eyes. Before, it seemed all he had to do was gaze into her beautiful brown eyes and every problem he had would disappear. He gazed looking for an answer, but he soon realized that the answer he was in search for couldn't be found in Theresa's eyes, but in his own heart. He realized that he had to search his heart for the answer he had been pining away for so long: could he ever let Theresa go?

Theresa stood there waiting for Ethan to say something. She couldn't lose him again, she just couldn't. Theresa walked over to him, embracing him and holding him tight.

Ethan held her back and laid his head on her shoulder. He never wanted to let her go. If only he could be with her without any guilt of leaving Gwen, then everything would be perfect.

Ethan stood there holding Theresa. Suddenly the radio started playing a song they both recognized.

_How do I get through a night without you?_

_If I had to live without you_

_What kind of life would that be?_

Ethan looked into Theresa's eyes and leaned into her, placing his lips onto hers. He couldn't let her gohe couldn't live without her. He held her, never wanting to let her go. Their kisses grew more passionate with each second. Ethan realized he wasn't going to let her go, not now.

_Oh I, I need you in my arms,_

_Need you to hold. You're my world, my heart, my soul._

_If you ever leave, baby you would take away everything_

_Good in my life, and tell me now,_

Ethan stopped and looked at Theresa. Suddenly, he lifted her up and carried her into the bedroom.

_How do I live without you, I want to know_

_How do I breathe without you if you ever go?_

_How do I ever, ever survive, how do I_

_How do I, oh how do I live?_

Gently lowering her onto the bed, Ethan kissed her. With all the emotions he was going through at that very moment, he wasn't sure if they should be doing what they were, but he didn't care. Theresa was the one he wanted to be with.

_Without out you, there'd be no sun in my sky,_

_There would be no love in my life._

_There'd be no world left for me._

_And I, oh baby I don't know what I would do,_

_I'd be lost if I lost you, if you ever leave._

_Baby you would take away everything real in my life_

_And tell me now,_

Ethan listened to the lyrics of the song while he made love to Theresa. The song brought out such a passion that was shared between the two of thema passion neither of them could explain and a connection that kept drawing them together. Ethan though of all the memories he and Theresa made for each otherall the happy times they shared. As Ethan made love to her, he realized the words of the song fit perfectly. He couldn't live without her.

_How do I live without you? I want to know_

_How do I breathe without you if you ever go?_

_How do I ever, ever survive, how do I_

_How do I, oh how do I live?_

Theresa was in heaven. She couldn't believe that after so long of trying to make Ethan realize that fate wanted them to be together, they were finally making love. He knew how to touch her in all the right places. Ethan knew everything about her, and that's how she liked it.

_Please tell me baby,_

_How do I go on if you ever leave?_

_Baby you would take away everything. I need you with me._

_Baby don't you know that your everything good in my life?_

_And tell me now,_

Ethan kissed every inch of her body. He wanted her so badly, and he wanted to become one with her. There was nothing in the world that would stop them tonight. Ethan relished in the fact that he was here making love to Theresa. He loved her so much.

_How do I live without you? I want to know_

_How do I breathe without you if you ever go?_

_How do I ever, ever survive, how do I_

_How do I, oh how do I live?_

Ethan woke up. Rubbing his eyes, he wondered if that wonderful night he spent with Theresa was all a dream. It was so vivid; so passionate. He turned around in bed, and there she was. It wasn't a dream; it was as real as the sun was shining on this beautiful day. She was so beautiful, so peaceful. He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her shoulder. She smelled so sweet. Ethan laid there, watching her sleep and thinking about how it was even possible to love someone as much as he loved Theresa.

Suddenly, Theresa began to stir in her sleep, and she eventually woke up. _Was it all a dream?_ She asked herself. Soon after, she felt Ethan's arm around her and she realized it wasn't a dream. She and Ethan actually made love last night. She turned around to face Ethan and found him staring at her.

"Were you watching me sleep?" she asked him intently.

"Did you know that your nose flickers when you sleep?" Ethan responded, "It's kinda cute." Ethan joked.

"Shut up!" Theresa said, kissing him. "Ethan, I want you to know that I love you so much. You know that right? I will never do anything to hurt you."

Ethan looked at her, "I know that. And I need you to know that I will never hurt you, and that no matter what, I will always love you."

Theresa listened to what he had to say, but she couldn't stop herself from asking him one question, "Ethan," she began, "What about Gwen?"

Just then, Ethan's cell phone rang.

"Hello?" He asked. He could hear crying on the other end and wondered who it was.

"Ethan, it's me. We're going to lose the baby." Gwen wailed.

"What? How is that possible?" Ethan asked.

"The doctors told me that I have a blood disorder and that there wasn't enough blood being pumped through by body to sustain the baby and we lost her. We lost our baby girl." Gwen was hysteric.

"Don't worry. I'll be there right away." Ethan told her. Ethan hung up the phone and turned to Theresa.

"We lost the baby." He told her. His heart was breaking and there was nothing Theresa could do to help him.

"How is that possible? I thought Gwen was fine." Theresa asked.

"She was fine." Ethan what Gwen had told him to Theresa, she couldn't help but feel sorry for them.

"You better go to her." She said.

Ethan felt extremely guilty about Gwen and the baby, but not did he once regret his night with Theresa. He gave her a short, sweet kiss on the lips, "I'll be back as soon as I can." He told her as he picked up his stuff and left the apartment.

Coming up:

Ethan goes to Gwen

Theresa makes a huge decision

Chapter 2: Time to Leave

And he was gone. Theresa watched Ethan as he disappeared out the door to go to Gwen. As much as she felt for Gwen at this particular time, not once did she have any regrets being with Ethan. But, as much as her fantasy had come true, it was now over and there was nothing she could do about it. Ethan and Gwen had lost their child; their poor, innocent baby, and that would bond them together forever. Theresa tried desperately to recapture the events that took place when she and Ethan made love the night before. She could still smell him: the faint cologne that was throughout his shirt; but not even that, but _his_ smell. She couldn't explain it, but she would have given anything to have that smell again. But, it was hopeless to dream. Maybe fate was telling her that this was it…she had her moment; now leave Ethan to be with Gwen. Under normal circumstances, Theresa wouldn't give up, and she would fight to her last breath to get Ethan back, but she was tired now, and it had finally sunk in that Ethan would never go back to her.

Ethan left the Crane apartment, slowly closing the door, wondering what had happened that night. The vision of Theresa was still alive and as vivid as ever in his mind. He remembered her touch, and how it sent waves of electrical energy right through him. No matter how much he wanted to go back into that apartment to be with Theresa, his wife had just lost their baby, and he had to go to her.

The whole ride to the hospital seemed to take forever. Ethan was fogged with the image of Theresa in his mind, and no matter how hard he tried to think of Gwen, he just couldn't. Finally, Ethan pulled his rental car into the hospital parking lot and made his way to Gwen's room.

"Gwen, what happened?" Ethan asked.

"Our baby, our beautiful baby girl is dead…she died Ethan." Gwen was hysterical, tears falling from her cheeks that never seemed to end. Ethan was heartbrokenhis little girl was gone. He couldn't help but grab Gwen and hold her tight. They both cried for hours over their daughter, yet Ethan still had Theresa in his mind. It was then that he realized he needed some airGwen had fallen asleep, and Ethan decided to go outside. It was already evening as the Californian sun was setting over the harbor. Ethan couldn't help but smile and think how that beautiful sunset reminded him of Theresa and her bright, radiant smile. He couldn't quite explain it, but the love he had for Theresa was insurmountable; all she had to do was enter a room, and he forgot everything around him. 'What am I going to do?' he thought to himself.

Back at the Crane Apartment-

It was hopeless to dream, Theresa thought to herself. Ethan and Gwen would now be devastated after losing their child, and that any chance she thought they would ever have together was gone. Theresa decided then that she had to leave L.A. before Gwen and Ethan arrived back. She so desperately wanted to see Ethan again, and tell him goodbye, but she didn't know how. Then, she decided she would write him a letter. She found paper and just began writing from her heart.

"Dear Ethan,

If you are reading this letter, you've discovered that I am gone. Ethan, I want you to know that the night we spent together was wonderful, and I'll never forget it. The thing is, you and Gwen suffered such a loss, and I realize now that there is no way we can be together. Gwen needs you, and you need to be with her through this tough time, and I need to leave the picture once again. For so long now, we've been matted into this triangle, and I'm tired of fighting for you. The day you chose Gwen to be your wife was the day I died. I gave you my heart Ethan, and I never really got it back. I want you to know that no matter where I find myself, you will always have a part of my heart. I've never loved anyone as much as I have loved you. We have this great connection that keeps drawing us together, and I truly believe that our connection will stay strong for as long as we live. But maybe our love isn't strong enough to withstand any outside influences that want to tear us apart. I thought about what you said yesterday, and maybe I should just forget about fate and whatever we had, because if I don't, it'll only get harder for me not to have you in my life. So, I guess I'm writing this letter to you to say goodbye. I'm not sure where I'm going once I leave L.A., but I'll take my son, and we'll go somewhere away from you and Gwen, so that you can move on with your life, and I can move on with mine. You were right though, I do need to find someone who isn't tied back, and someone who can care for me and son. I want you to know that I will never find anyone like you, and I never intend to. No one in my life will ever replace you. So, goodbye Ethan. I hope you will find happiness in your life with Gwen, and please…save a small piece of your heart for me. I love you Ethan, and I always will.

Love forever, Theresa"

Theresa cried as she sealed the envelope and left it in Whitney's room to give to Ethan. She couldn't risk Gwen finding it. Theresa packed up her belongings and as she took one last look into the bedroom where she and Ethan last made love, she left the apartment.

Theresa wasn't exactly sure where she was going, but she knew she had to leave. She flagged down a cab and asked him to take her to the airport. As she was driving, Theresa let her mind wander back to Ethan and their night. Once she came to, she looked out the window and noticed a beautiful flower garden. With the sun just setting, it lit up the entire garden with an array of colors. She asked the driver to stop, and wait for her as she wandered through the amazing garden of exotic flowers. The scent filled her nostrils as she gazed at the stunning flowers. The sun was setting over Los Angeles, and the light hit them at such a magnificent angle, as to light up the flowers with radiance. Theresa was overwhelmed with the beautiful flowers that she decided to sit down on a nearby bench. 'How did I get myself if this position?' she asked herself.

Ethan walked for hours around the streets of L.A. and eventually found himself in a flower garden. There were millions of flowers, all different shapes and sizes. As he walked through the garden, he noticed a flower that was 10 times more beautiful than all the rest. As he went to pick the flower, he looked up and there she was.

Coming up:

Theresa and Ethan share a close moment

Theresa tells Ethan her plans

Chapter 3

Picking up the flower he went to her, "Theresa?" Ethan asked as he glanced over to the young woman sitting on the bench.

"Ethan, what are you doing here?" Theresa asked though her tears. Just seeing him brought back the beautiful memories she held from the night before. She stood up from the bench, feeling her legs wanting to collapse from right underneath her. Ethan went over to her, giving her the flower.

Theresa gazed at the flower through her tears and managed to utter out, "Thank you." The garden around them was enchanting, intoxicating. Strings of lights illuminated the garden with small tea lights guiding the path ways. Soft music played from the speakers launched above the lights to a beautiful song. Ethan reached for her hand. Taking his, they began to slowly dance to the music from the old Romeo and Juliet movie. In her head, Theresa sang the words:

A time for us, some day there'll be  
When chains are torn by courage born of a love that's free  
A time when dreams so long denied can flourish  
As we unveil the love we now must hide

A time for us, at last to see  
A life worthwhile for you and me

As they danced to the soft melody they both gazed into one another's eyes and allowed themselves to give in and get lost in one another. Ethan pulled Theresa closer to his body allowing her to rest her chin on his strong shoulder, as he closed his eyes, taking in the moment he had with her. Ethan held her tight not ever wanting to let her go. He took her in, her life, her being. He never thought in a million years that he could come to love someone this much. As he held her, swaying to the beautiful music, he thought of all the times he lay awake in bed, dreaming of her, dreaming how much he wanted to hold her, how much he wanted to touch her, how much he wanted to kiss her. It soon became evident to Ethan how much he needed her and he never wanted to give her up.

As the music slowed down, as Ethan stared into Theresa's eyes, running the back of his hand gently on her cheek, he softly cupped her chin in his hand and closed the gap between their lips. Softly he kissed her sweet lips, taking her in. The kisses became more passionate and intense. Ethan ran his hands throughout Theresa's raven black hair as she ran her hands up and down his back. They allowed each other to explore forbidden grounds as they relished in their love for one another.

As Ethan slowly pulled away, still holding her close, he whispered, "I love you." Slowly his lips found hers again and they were enveloped in another passionate kiss.

Just then, the cab driver walked to Theresa clearing his throat, "Excuse me Miss, if you want me to wait anymore, I can't. I got rounds to do, and if you wanna get to the airport on time, we better move."

"What are you doing? You're going to the airport?" Ethan asked.

"Ummm, I'll be there in a minute." She told the cab driver. Still Ethan looked at her wanting an answer to his question. Theresa looked at Ethan with confusion in her eyes, "Uhh…well, I'm going back to Harmony tonight."

"Why?"

"Why? Ethan, you're asking me why?" Theresa couldn't take it anymore as she began to cry. "Ethan, I can't stay here, ok? It's just too hard…I can't, I just can't" Theresa felt more tears coming and she didn't care. She allowed herself to cry.

Ethan couldn't bear to see her cry. He went to her to hold her, and try to ease her pain. Theresa pushed him away,"No, Ethan, I can't. You're married and I need to finally move on with my life. I'll take my son, and we'll go somewhere where I can move on…without you."

She went to leave, when Ethan grabbed her. "No, I let you go once before, I'm not going to do it again." Cupping her face in his hands, he gently placed his lips on Theresa's. Soon, the gentle kiss grew into a more passionate one. Both of them giving into one anotherletting all their feelings out. Ethan pulled away. "Please stay, stay here with me." He pleaded beginning to shed tears. "I love you so much…please don't go." Ethan didn't know what he was saying. All he knew was that if he let Theresa go now, he'd never get her back.

Theresa looked into his eyes. How could she leave him, but then again, how could she stay. He was married to Gwen and whether or not they had a baby together, he was married. "Ethan, I'm sorry, I'm going to miss my flight." Theresa ran out of the garden and jumped into the cab and it sped away.

Coming up:

Ethan makes a realization

Theresa boards the plane back to Harmony un amor eterno

tú eres mi único amor, mi vida, mi existencia

Chapter 4

As she sat in the cab, tears began to fall from her eyes. That was the last time she would ever see Ethan again, and the thought just killed her. _It's for the best_ she told herself. '_He's married, and even though he and Gwen lost their baby, they will have another…and they will be happy…'_ she couldn't stand the thought of Ethan being with Gwen, but she had to. He was married to her, and there was nothing she could do to change that.

Ethan stood in the gardens heartbroken over Theresa leaving again. How did this happen? Wait, he knew the answer. He knew deep down why Theresa left him: she didn't want to get hurt again. Ethan was with Gwen, and that alone hurt Theresa in more ways than he could imagine. Ethan stood in the garden, the soft music still ringing through his ears. As he closed his eyes, he pictured his one true love, Theresa. '_I can't let her get away again'_ Ethan thought to himself.

Theresa's cab made its way through the busy LA traffic and to the LAX. She was screaming inside, but this was the only way she would be able to move on without Ethan. Theresa walked up to the desk and purchased a ticket. After waiting for a while, she was finally called to board the plane back to Harmony. '_This is for the best'_ she thought to herself.

The plane ride home was long and exhausting. Even though she was leaving LA and Ethan forever, she still couldn't get the thought of him out of her mind. The way he held her, they way he smelled, they way he kissed her was all still fresh in her mind. Whenever she closed her eyes, she felt his presence, she felt his warmth. '_God, how am I going to move on without him?' _ Eventually the plane ride was over and she had landed in Harmony. After picking up her bags, she recognized her mother's face and ran to hug her.

"Mama!" Theresa cried, "You don't know how good it feels to see you." She lifted up her head and realized tears had formed.

"Ay, mi hija, que paso?" Pilar asked her daughter.

"It's Ethan. But I don't want to talk about it tonight, maybe tomorrow, ok?"

"Of course, let's get you home." Suggested Pilar.

Even the car ride home seemed incredibly long. As they reached their house, Theresa began to feel a sense of comfort. Opening the door, she relished in her home the scent and the decoration. _It's too bad 'I'll be leaving this again'_ Theresa thought to herself.

"Mija, why don't you go upstairs to your room and get some rest. You'll feel better in the morning, I assure you." Said Pilar.

"Ok, you're probably right." Theresa replied as she dragged her weak body up the stairs. On her way up, she noticed a portrait of her Ethan and Little Ethan. Picking up the picture, she gazed into its depth, '_this is what it was supposed to be like, you me and my son as one happy family'._ She set the picture down and slowly opened her bedroom door.

As she did, Theresa was shocked to see hundreds of candles illuminating her room. Rose petals were scattered on the floor and soft, melodic music filled her ears. She looked over to the corner and there he was.

"Ethan, what are you doing here?" Theresa asked confused, starting to shed tears.

"Once you left, I realized how I can't live without you. I can definitely say I've tried, but it hasn't worked." Ethan said as he slowly made his way to Theresa. "You've always been in my thoughts and my dreams, and I could never erase you from my mind. Never."

Theresa couldn't believe Ethan was there with her. Ethan eventually made his way to Theresa. "Tú eres mi único amor, mi vida, mi existencia…you are my only love, my life, my existence, I can't live without you." Ethan told her as he softly cupped her chin in his hands and placed a soft, gentle kiss on her sweet lips.

Theresa was left shaking after Ethan kissed her, but she managed to ask, "What about Gwen?" Not wanting to ruin the moment, Ethan simply replied, "I've taken care of it. We can be together now, if you want to."

Theresa's eyes opened wide and an enormous smile formed on her face. She hugged Ethan with all she had left in her. "I love you so much." She said.

"I love you too." Ethan told her, "I once told you that no matter what happens, I'd always love you, and I do."

With that, Ethan kissed his true love one again. He held her tight, just as he did in his dreams, never letting her go. That night was devoted to making up for lost time, and as they made passionate love, they also created a being that would bind them together forever.

It comes only once in a lifetime that a love that strong can withstand any obstacles. The love Theresa and Ethan shared was a love that could only have been written in the stars…two people who love each other with their whole being, who are destined to be together and who simply can not live without each other.

The End


End file.
